It's been a *head-desk* kind of winter

I am about 40K words into the first draft of Moonlit book #3. I'm not quite as far as I hoped I'd be. After steeping myself in the editing side of the process for months, is very hard to see the forest for the trees again. I over-analyze and tear apart every sentence instead of letting really terrible sentences/paragraphs/dialogue stand where they are as a plot place holder, to be polished during the second look.

I began drafting book #3 in November, and as of two weeks ago (when i was still busy inspecting every inch of bark on said proverbial trees) I was sitting, stalling at about 23K words, and I've probably cut at least as many words already. Now, as a disclaimer, I'm not a die-hard word-count girl. I don't set daily goals. Between my other job, two large indoor dogs, and my nearly 3 year old daughter, the only goal I have is to have a mostly-clean kitchen before I go to bed. Still, I knew I had a problem.

I recently read Stephen King's "On Writing," where he notes he typically does two drafts and a "polish" before submitting his work. And he's a Panster, to boot. I was both mesmerized and mildly devastated by this. I *know* authors all have different processes. But I barely know where I'm going until the third draft. Then it hit me: I am trying to figure out everything all at once in every sentence.

Yesterday, I was perusing one of my notebooks to find where I'd jotted those pesky notes for last year's expenses. I came across pages of ideas for Moonlit book #2, and from the date at the top, I knew I'd made these notes well after I'd finished the first draft. Some of the ideas were good, some were mediocre, some made me cringe. None of them made it into the draft I submitted to my acquisitions editor at WiDo. Not one.

I realized two things: first, that it's a-okay to come up with some really terrible ideas right now. And second, I've become more proficient at spotting and beheading a bad sub-plot before it grows legs and runs away with my main arch. As I imagine happens with killing anything, i have to grieve a little when I realize I've spent my precious window laying down 2000 words to nowhere. Select. Delete. Eat a cookie. Start again.

My hope is by the time Moonlit #3 is ready for beta readers, it will be in a tighter, tolerable place so they can dig into the sentences and conversations and help me chase those down instead of being bogged down by a loose, wandering plot.

Confession: this actually wasn't what I meant to write about at all, but it's apparently what was on my mind. I'll follow up with more on Moonlit #3 soon. :) So what are you working on? How's it going? What do you find trips up your process?

I'm scared. I'll admit it. (and this is kind of a ramble so maybe you should be scared too...)

The sequel to Moonlit - currently dubbed Windswept - is in my publisher's hands for the final stages in the pre-release process: type setting, layout, cover design, etc. This means I'm free to begin work on Book #3. I'm about 20K words in, and this is where I admit I'm a little scared. There's this big BIG moment in book #3 that I can see so clearly... "crystal" as Jayce would say. But first I have to get there. Me and Tanzy and Lucas and Hope and Vanessa and Asher and Jayce and a whole cast of fellow candidates who you haven't even met yet all have to get there. It's like herding cats.

I learned a ton during the drafting and revision processes for the sequel. Most importantly, I learned when to look at a section of my writing and realize: there's a big problem here. This is not right. And I realized, for the way I work at least, a real fix comes in stages. It's like archeology, an analogy Stephen King uses in describing how he unearths his plots. In my case, it's how I fix pacing/tone issues in a chapter. One gentle fix reveals more bone, more of the picture - and more of the holes in the picture. Then again, maybe it's better to say it's like surgery. There is an awful lot of bleeding and cursing, and I envision an archeologist to be the subtle, whispery type.

Anyways, what scares me is how much of this first draft of book #3 is not going to make it into book #3. Of course right now it feels like all of it will - the major plot points, anyway, but I know that's not true. In book #2, the early drafts had a ferry boat, a tidal wave, a funeral, a truck plummeting to the bottom of the ocean with two major characters inside, a trip back to Kentucky, this scene where new character Jayce lines up little figurines on all the window sills that I freaking LOVED, and lots of explosions. None of those plot points made it into the final draft. I lied - there are still some explosions, but they're in different places.

Some scenes/sections I cut early on, and some I clung to like a mother to her baby. Until I sent the I-think-I'm-Really-Finished draft to my beta readers and they didn't coo where I was sure I'd have them near tears, holding their breath. In fact, they reacted to a few of my favorite moments like one might react to, say, a poopy diaper. And they were right.

Have you ever had a whole "darling" of a chapter (referencing the "kill your darlings" rule here)? How about a couple chapters... how about a 40K word section of "darling"? Welcome to the 8th draft of Windswept.

So now I'm beginning the very first draft of Book #3, and it is by far the most complex of the three books. And I want it to deliver. I want it to tie up every thread I've woven into this web. And I'd really really like to get it right on the first couple shots. HA. Never going to happen.

I'm a subscriber to Anne Lamott's idea of a "stinky" first draft. (She uses a different word beginning with S, something that can be found in the aforementioned diaper, and never smells like roses...) A first draft helps me see how I think this is all going to play out. It makes me see if the I can get to the last page with the ideas from the first page still intact. I'm not big on big outlines. I have a few key moments I want to incorporate if the characters arrive in the situation where the moment would apply, but otherwise I like to turn them loose and see what happens. Downsides: this means I stare at my computer screen a lot, knuckles buried in my cheeks, and force my brain to stop editing the line above so I can see what's coming next in the plot. It also means I spend more time on my drafts (at least I think it does,) and it definitely means I cut. A lot.

So here we are. And I'm scared. I don't want to stare and sweat and bleed all over this new draft just to cut 99% of my work like it never happened. It can be paralyzing, sometimes. But it's part of the process. I will no doubt do this every time. Every book. The funny part is that I still love those times where I glare at my screen all morning with no progress. In fact, I find I'm most intolerable to the outside world following a particularly lackluster drafting session because I can't wait to do it again.

I'm terrified, and I'm excited (and I'm writing this blog post because I'm totally stalling because another character wants a POV in book three and I told her we'd talk about it in a little bit...)

So, now that I'm sure you're sure I'm crazy, tell me what - if anything - scares you about the writing process?

The story of the sequel

The sequel did not at all go like I planned.

For starters, I had to do a major rewrite - scrapping 60K words I'd written before we finished the plot edits on Moonlit, because part of those edits was cutting a character who didn't play a big part in Moonlit, but was spotlighted in the sequel. Oops.

So I began again, and somewhere in there, I got lost inside Tanzy's head and forgot her feet. In Moonlit, Tanzy comes face to face with some of the darkest places of her soul. She even shocked me, and I know she scared herself. So I think we had to acclimate to each other again, who we both were, emerging battle-scarred from the grenade dropped at the end of Moonlit. In the process, we wandered over the choices she made without moving forward. I wasn't really inspired. I was just sad, and more than a little despondent.

Around the time I sent a draft of the sequel to beta readers, Moonlit was making the rounds on a couple of blog tours. I read a couple of feverish posts, new members of the Moonlit tribe who understood Moonlit and Tanzy, and were eager to dive into the sequel, and I started to panic. The sequel isn't right. It's wrong. WRONG. But how? Why? What is missing?? My beta readers felt the same way. They loved the plot I'd crafted, but the fire that lit the "explosion in reverse" fuse of Moonlit hadn't carried over into the sequel. It was a hard truth, but it was the truth.

Then I read a couple more posts from other new fans, and several mentioned how they thought the coming war would play out. ...... war? what war? there's a war? ..... HOLY $#*%! There's a WAR!!! Inspiration struck like a freight train. That night, I gutted the sequel again, saving only about 20K of the original words, and started over.

This pushed my self-imposed May 31st deadline back A LOT. A war between a few people would be boring and over in a paragraph or two (maybe a couple of pages if there's a lot of witty dialogue exchanged between the blows.) So I had to explore all the sides of this war, this brand new, breathtaking, crystal clear moment in my head when all sides converge on the veil. It's a spectacular sight, and I can't wait to write it. But not yet... when you have a WAR on your hands, you have to thoroughly understand each side's motivation, the complexities of alliances and traitors, the gray that exists between good and evil.

I'm so excited to introduce you to this growing cast of new characters. I wrote the first book for myself - to get the story out of my head and to explore Tanzy's voice. But this second book is for my tribe, for those readers who took a leap of faith and dove head first into Tanzy's life and saw the shifting world through her eyes. I want it to be perfect for my tribe. I want to give them what they're hungry for.

Years of working mostly alone around horses inspired Moonlit. But my readers - my tribe - inspired the sequel. I think it's the coolest thing to happen to me since becoming published. I submitted it to my publisher a few days ago, and I'm eager to see what my fantastic editors think. They loved Moonlit as much as I did - even though they helped me work on Moonlit, I also consider them members of the Moonlit tribe. Their opinion means everything to me, both professionally, and as readers. I'll know I did right by my readers if my acquisitions editor gives me the green light. You better believe I'll let you know as soon as I hear back - either way.

Until then, I'll do my best not to stalk my inbox. To keep myself occupied, I'm drafting a scene to add where Tanzy and readers alike will be able to see exactly what Lucas is capable of when someone he loves is in jeopardy...

Enough about me. What are you up to? :)

Turning the key

Now that we have a child, packing for any kind of overnight trip requires checklists upon checklists: what it will take to keep her happy in the car, to help her sleep in a new place, to increase the odds that she'll eat, a separate bag of games and toys to keep her busy in the car, dvds, snacks, clothing for various climates, diapers, wipes, Kiku the monkey, pacifiers, little spoons for little hands, a bag of basic medical stuff ... you get the picture. And then we have to pack for us. It's quite a production.

The hardest part of leaving for a trip with a toddler is that moment when my hand is suspended next to the ignition, ready to start the car. Are we really ready? To we have everything we need? Is the phone charged? The tank full? Did you check her diaper? Are all of the pieces in place? Can we safely commit to leaving our home and venturing to wherever it is we're going? Because there comes a point in the drive when you can't turn back - and there are some things that can't be bought along the way in the event they're left behind.

This was my life two days ago as we prepared ourselves for the +300 mile trip to my inlaws' house, where we're spending the holidays. I literally taped the last to-do list on the back door so I wouldn't leave anything behind in the blurry-eyed state of our 0-dark-30 departure. I had that moment, toddler crying in the car-seat, husband popping the top of a rockstar energy drink and loading a Dora DVD into the laptop, where my hand would not budge towards the ignition. I'm leaving something. All the pieces are not in place. They can't be in place. We're forgetting something. I just know it. And then it hit me: I'm doing the same thing with my sequel.

Tanzy and her sidekicks have been inching towards the climax of the sequel for weeks. It's a big moment for all of them, and nothing will be the same once the dust settles. It's a scary moment for me as a writer, echoing the same kinds of questions in my head: are we ready? Am I forgetting something? Are all of the pieces in place. Are we SURE we're ready for this? Because there comes a point when you can't turn back... and there are some things that can't hop on the train once it's in motion.

Yes, it's a draft, of course it can be changed. Likely, it WILL change 100 times between now and the final draft. But this first draft blazes the trail. Even if I rewrite the whole story from the ground up, this first pass will color any new versions that come after it. Its smoke will linger in the proverbial air. Drafting the climax will force me to commit to how I see this whole thing shaking out. And it's making me seek and destroy any loopholes and inconsistencies in the plot preceding this epic moment.

But the time has come. The lists are checked off. The car is packed. The tank is full. Take a deep breath. Turn the key. Here we go...

p.s. Part of our traditions include setting goals for 2013, so be on the look out for that post in early January, and start thinking about your own. No matter how old I get, the new year always reminds me of a blank sheet of paper. So very, very inspirational. Have a fantastic holiday season!